I
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost...I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes me forever to find a way out.
II
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place but, it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
III
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in...it's a habit.
My eyes are open
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
IV
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
V
I walk down another street.
Portia Nelson, “Autobiography in Five Short Chapters.” Shared here as provided for this preview. Source and attribution ↗
I used to read this aloud when I led groups on an inpatient psychiatry unit. People were there for all kinds of reasons, and quite a few had been hospitalized before. This little piece almost always got a conversation going. It seemed to land with people. It still lands with me.
I can think of plenty of times I’ve done something that didn’t align with my values, or that hurt me or someone else, and then looked for something outside myself to blame. Even when I finally recognized my part in it, that didn’t magically prevent me from falling in the same damn hole again.
That’s what I like about the five chapters. Insight is important. Taking ownership matters. But neither one automatically changes a habit. There has to be deliberate action, commitment, and some consistency. At some point you actually have to walk around the hole—and, eventually, maybe take another street.
I see this with anxiety, too. We keep doing the familiar thing even when it’s shrinking our world. Avoidance, checking, reassurance, old patterns in relationships—it can feel safer in the moment, even when it costs us in the long run.
And just when we think we’ve mastered this, the same pattern can show up in a different form. That feels pretty human to me. I don’t read this as a story about finally becoming perfect. I read it as a reminder to keep paying attention, take responsibility where I can, and actually do something with what I’ve learned.